Thursday, November 18, 2010


Found these on a website today.  If you have seen them before sorry.  I left the book at home that I was going to blog about.

• Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.

• Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

• Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

• Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

• Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

• All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

• Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

• Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

• Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

• No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

• A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

• Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

• Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

• Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."

• Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

• Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

• When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

• Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it --- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

• And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

• To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!

• And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!

• And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads "I aint from the South but I got here as fast as I could."

• Bless your hearts, ya'll have a blessed day.


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