"M'Lynn, your husband is the boil on the butt of humanity."
"Don't you decorate your sisters car with condoms, it's tacky."
"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."
"This is the 80's...if you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past."
"When it comes to suffering, she is right up there with Elizabeth Taylor."
"I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiggly this morning, and I smiled at the son of a bitch before I could help myself."
"Ouiser, you sound almost chipper what happened today, you run over a small child or something?"
"In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight."
"I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries."
"I'm not crazy, M'Lynn, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years!"
"Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair."
"Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!"
"The only reason people are nice to me is I have more money than God."
"The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize."
"This is it, I've found it, I'm in hell."
Here's to all you Steel Magnolias out there!