FUNNY FROM POLLY

Mom told me and Tim a funny story last night. She had been to school with her friend Jill in Bham. The next day, she could not find her cell phone. She called Jill and left her a message to see if she left it in her car. See, Mom hates to look for stuff, so she called, left a message, and was not going to do anything else about it until she confirmed with Jill that it was in the car. Wouldn't want to waste a whole 10 minutes looking around the house if it wasn't necessary.

Well, a day passed and she had not heard from Jill, so she decided she MUST at least try to find it around the house. So, what does a brilliant person do but - call the number. She called the number and low and behold she heard her phone in living room or dining room. But it would only ring about 4 times so she kept having to call and call. (Now she is thinking "What in the world did Martha do with my phone" (Martha is our cleaning lady.))

Anyway, all of a sudden Andrew starts barking at the front door, and what do you know, when she opens the door - THERE IS HER CELL PHONE. She tells Andy - "Oh, I must have dropped it when Steak Out came." So, mystery solved right.....not quite.

She gets a phone call from her friend Jill:

J: Hey Polly - I found your phone in my car.
P: No, that's not my phone. I found my phone.
J: What? Where did you find it?
P: I found it in between my front door and the storm door. I dropped it when Steak Out came.
J: Polly, you silly, I found your phone and brought it over to your house and put it behind the storm door.

It was really funny hearing my mom tell it. Doesn't really read as well.

THIS IS GETTING A LITTLE REDICULOUS...

I was getting dressed for work yesterday and had put on a cute outfit with kahki paints and a cute orange and kahki shirt....then it dawned on me. It was raining outside. I was having to go to the doctor with Jimmy at 10:20. My raincoat is black. I could never pull of brown shoes and purse with a black rain coat. I knew right then I had to change to something that I could wear my black flats with faux black alligator skin on the tops, that match my black faux alligator purse, which both look great with my black raincoat.

So I proceeded to change my whole outfit. Jimmy does not know the lengths I go to for him! It was most appreciated, though. He said I looked real nice. Next time I think I will freak him out and wear brown shoes, black jeans, a maroon coat and a green leather purse. Let's see if he really loves me!

Happy Thursday!

What is missing?

Now you see it......
...Now you don't. Can you tell what is missing from this picture? That's right! The big, old nasty, black resin emitting, Hackberry tree. I think it looks much better. It sure does make my yard look lots bigger when you are looking out the back door. (Look at cute little Spike in the sawdust)

They ground the stump and everything. I am very pleased with the work and the price I paid, but.....

...I don't think Sally likes it at all!

Easter is coming....

...and "Cat 'O All Season's" is ready for the Easter Bunny! I love this tacky thing! Look at the cute little basket hanging from her tail! And her cute colored egg cape. And don't even mention how cute her little bunny ears are....but wait, do I sense a bit of jealousy from another member of the family?.....

YES! Seems like Sally did not like all the attention "Cat 'O All Seasons" was getting from me, so she had to hop right up on the entertainment center and see what all the fuss was about! Sally is sniffing her ears, but she is really thinking about me. As in "Woman, you are crazy!"

My four legged friends

I love them so. Sally seems to be saying "If I don't look at you, then you are not really there." Spike is so handsome with his purple collar. Jimmy can't believe I bought him a purple collar. He thinks it makes him look pimped out.

Sally went to the vet on Saturday. He gave her another steriod shot, because he is conviced that all the licking she is doing is from allergies. You say "She looks fine in the picture." What you can't see is that she has licked off all the fur from her belly to the inside of her knees. She has taken Bazilian wax to a whole nother level! She looks like a porn cat.

Love

Can you guess what this is?

Can you? It is not a candle, nor buttermilk. You never will guess....IT IS LARD!

Yep lard! The white solid or semisolid rendered fat of a hog or swine! Yummy! Most of you are probably saying "Gross!" but lard is a staple for good old southern cooking. Great taste added to cornbread, greens, beans, anything really. I had been out of bacon grease for a few months now, not having cooked a lot of bacon recently, and giving Tim the last of my lard stash.

My mom is a genius! She was in Wally World (a gas station in Decatur, not Walmart) getting her a BLT the other day. They make the best BLT's (I think I will get me one tonight). Anyway, they were frying up tons of bacon. She asked what they did with the grease and they said they just throw it away. She then asked if they would save it for her and they agreed. So when I got home the other day, I had about a quart of bacon grease waiting for me! Yea!

Break out the greenbeans! I can now yummy them up! (I can hear my arteries screaming.)

200TH POST!

This is my 200th post. I can't believe it. I have really enjoyed the blogging experience. Thanks for reading (all 2 of you), and hopefully laughing, and learning. Yes, this can be considered a learning tool! And along the lines of that last sentence, here is some useless info:

1. There was no punctuation until the fifteenth century (some still think there is none).

2. 7 percent of the entire Irish barley crop goes to the production of Guinness beer.

3. 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

4. People in Iceland read more books per capita than any other people in the world.

Happy Friday!

Best Lunch Ever!

If you did not eat lunch with me yesterday, then I am sorry. Yesterday I think I ate the best lunch I have ever had! Lynn, Laura and I went to one of my favorite resturants - Chef's Table.

We had the appetiser of Olive Medley. That is different kinds of olives, onions and roasted peppers in a yummy marinade, served with crusty bread for dipping. I could drink the marinade! Then, I ordered my usual - the potato crusted mahi mahi. It is covered in a white wine cream sauce with capers...my favorite. It comes with a yummy greek type salad.

It was all so good, I decided to order dessert. The manager told us the specials. Then he said on the last one, "Now this is going to sound weird, but it is really, really good. It is a slice of cheese cake with a strawberry-jalapeno sauce." I said I would take it. IT WAS DELICIOUS!!!!!! The heat from the pepper made the cheesecake and strawberries just explode and melt in your muth at the same time.

I came straight back to work and tried to find a recipe for strawberry-jalapeno sauce. No recipe, but I did find a place to order some. I am going to do that right now!

Surgery, check.

Jimmy is home and resting after his surgery. We could not have been happier with the staff, doctors and care at Crestwood. He is already much improved as far as movement and sensation in his left hand and arm. It is amazing....the human body and the medical procedures available now. He actually easily walked from his from his room to the car. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs....

I have noticed the following two signs recently while driving through Decatur....

This first one really makes me wonder....It is obviously telling people that the Library is "that way," but if the person could not simply read a sign that says "Library" how much good could the library really do for them? (I know, I know, I am going to hell).


(Notice the Latino Car Stereos sign in the background - Can only Latinos get their car stereos there, or what, do they install Latino stereos that are so different from ours? haha)

And this one has bothered me for months. There are certain things I would not mind buying in the same store. For example popcorn and motoroil, or a biscuit and a hair dryer. But I just can't see myself buying bait and anything else from a store. Bait is gross enough, but then pecans? GROSS! This is at the Shell station right after you cross the bridge going into Decatur.

So the question really is, "Which one is $1.00 per pound, or are both?"

Happy Monday! I will be down for a few days....Jimmy has surgery tomorrow. Wish us luck and a speedy recovery!

Useless Info #195

1. Friggatriskaidekaphobia is the fear of the number 13. Happy Friday the 13th!

2. The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of elements.

3. Andy Warhol created the Rolling Stones' emblem depicting the big tongue. If first appeared on the cover of the "Sticky Fingers" album.

4. Groaking is watching people eating in the hope that they will offer you some.

Survivor Continued

Well, Lisa B. was the only one kind enough to send additional ideas about "Survivor Sand Mountain." She gets a special shout out.

Additional challenges: Gross food challenge could include items such as mountain oysters, pickled pigs feet, chicken gizzards, drinking moonshine, collard/turnip greens (that last one is a favorite of mine, so I would love to eat that). And, navigating the in-field at Talladega sober.

For reward they could be served wings and cold beer from a Hooter's girl.

Thanks for playing Lisa!

Have a good weekend.

LENT

Tim was at his friends house last weekend and Andy T. announced he had quit smoking. Everyone was surprized.

Andy: Yeah, I gave it up for Lent.

Tim: But, you're not Catholic.

Andy: I know, but I celebrated the hell out of Mardi Gras, I figured I should do something for Lent as well.

I got a laugh out of that!

DOES YOUR PURSE MATCH YOUR SHOES?

It better if you are going to be around Jimmy.

We went to the orthopedic surgeon on Monday, and he said Jimmy would have to have surgery. He wanted to perform one more test before the surgery. So, we were sitting at Crestwood Medical Center yesterday waiting for Jimmy to have what turned out to be a VERY Uncomfortable!!!! ct scan. Well, they gave Jimmy a valium and brought him back out to where I was sitting, so we could be together until it was time for him to go back. Conversation follows:

J: You looked real nice yesterday.
LL: thanks
J: I really liked that outfit...
LL: awh, thanks
J: (pointing to my purse) Do you really think that purse, well, went with it?
LL: What?
J: I mean, I like your purse and all, but don't you think a different purse would have looked better with what you had on yesterday?
LL: Are you kidding me? Of course a black purse would have gone well with my outfit yesterday, but I am not going to change purses everyday. And why in the heck should you care?
J: now hold on, I am just saying.....

I guess just get a valium in him and he will say anything!

Today, at the doctors again, I walked up in nice grey slacks, with black shoes, and a black purse.

LL: I brought my black purse.
J: I noticed

Love

Polly's Dip

I made fruit dip this weekend. Mom was over yesterday and I asked her if she wanted any dip and fruit to take home with her. She did, so I put some delicious raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, and grapes in a plastic to go bowl. I spotted a small sour cream container in with my tupperware and thought that would be perfect to hold the dip. Conversation as follows:

P: this is so good. I made a dip with sour cream before.
L: that doesn't have sour cream
P: oh, what is in it?
L: plain yougurt, heavy whipping cream and brown sugar
P: and how much sour cream?
L: it does not have any, I just put it in a sour cream container

(by this next one, I could tell she was not paying any attention to what I had been saying)

P: (getting another dip) well, you sure can't taste the sour cream.

I just turned around and walked back to the den, a defeated shell of a 40 year old woman.

RACHEL'S RESTURANT

"You can get anything you want at Rachel's Resturant", NOT. Rachel has thrown around this idea for years. She is going to open a resturant that serves only the food she likes. I said, "Hell, no one will be able to get a full meal out of that." As many of you know, Rachel is a very picky eater. Here is what I imagine her menu to look like:

Appetisers: Chips and salsa or cheese dip, fried calamari, various bowls of cereal

Salad: Celery with ranch dressing (yes, just celery, no lettuce, tomato, etc)

Main dishes: Ham, baked chicken, steak, turkey, cheese pizza, cheese enchiladas, Spicy chicken (Chinese), various bowls of cereal

Sides: macaroni and cheese, chinese fried rice, grapes and apple slices with yogurt dipping sauce, various bowls of cereal

Dessert: Banana popcicles (her signature dessert) cookies (no nuts), brownies (no nuts), ice cream, creme brulee, flan, various bowls of cereal

You got to love her!

NEW "SURVIVOR" IDEA

OK, this is going to be a good one. While Tim and I were watching "Survivor" last night, we came up with a great idea. What if CBS did "Survivor: Sand Mountain"!!!!

There would have to be a few changes. Instead of rice and beans being the staple food, they would have grits and hominy. They would have to be careful and not eat any two-headed frogs or 4-eyed fish that might have lived in water contaminated by the Nuclear plant in Scottsboro (Bellefonte).

For challenges they could have to successfully attend a sermon at "The Holy Spirit Church of God with Signs Following" and not get bitten by a rattlesnake. Or, what about having to successfully dismantle a meth-lab without getting blown up. For a challenge that takes brains not brawn, we could have them try to get the locals to buy sushi, or calamari, or escargo from "Bubba's One Stop". You know "Bubba's One Stop" where you can get frozen pizza, diapers, bait and bullets all in one place.

Exhile Island could be one of the many rock quarrys in the area. For clues to the hidden immunity idol, we could have locals just say the clues to them....heck, it would take years for them to figure out what they were saying!

For winning a reward challenge they could be whisked away in a Ford F150 to Albertville for an all expense paid dinner at Dennys, and then get their nails done at "Nails by Verna May." (Verna May's also offers oil changing service for your car.) Or for winning big, they could be carted off to "Lacon Trade Day." What a joy!

If you think of any more funny challenges or rewards, please e-mail them to me and I will post! Thanks.

Happy Friday.

P.S. For any of you who live in Sand Mountain, I apologize.

TODAY IS THURSDAY.....

...and I really have nothing to talk about. I keep forgetting to take my memory card home so I can take pictures of something. Pictures give me the inspiration to blog lots of time.

Did you watch Lost last night? I think it was the best episode EVER!!! I am so addicted to that show.

Rachel sent me a text message yesterday that stated: "The word alcohol was derived from an Arabic word that literally means spirit divided." Is that why they are called Spirits?

And finally Useless Info:

1. The average person speaks about 31,500 words per day.

2. In the 1700s in London, you could pruchase insurance against going to hell. (Lord my premiums would be sky high!)

TODAY IS SQUARE ROOT DAY

What is square root day you ask? Leave it up to me to tell you....

"Square root day is a humorous holiday celebrated on dates where the day and the month are both the square root of the last two digits in the current year. For example, the last square root day was 02/02/04." Get it, 2 times 2 equals four.

"Square root days fall upon the same 9 dates each century:
01/01/01
02/02/04
03/03/09
04/04/16
05/05/25
06/06/36
07/07/49
08/08/64
09/09/81

"Ron Gordon, a Redwood City, California high school teacher, first created the day for 09/09/81."

So, CHEERS! It's square root day!

WHISKEY: IRISH -VS- SCOTTISH

...or, "A Tale of Two Countries' Whiskeys."

So, what is the difference between Irish whiskey and Scottish whiskey (or Scotch) besides the fact that they are made in two different countries? With my curiosity peaked, I had to find out.

"Traditional Irish Whiskey is distilled froam a mash of mixed malted and unmalted grains, where as Scotch is is distilled exclusively from malted grain only."

"Also, Irish whiskey also differs in that peat is almost never used in the malting process, so the smoky, earthy overtones common to Scotches are not present."

"Scotch must be matured in Scotland in oak casks for no less than three years and a day."

"Both are distilled primarily from Barley."

"Today, most Irish whiskey is blended from a mixture of pot still whiskey and cheaper grain whiskey. Bushmills, however is an exception in that it produces no Irish-style pot-still whiskey."

Does that last remark mean it is all cheap?

OK, I am satisified to know some differences. Thanks for your support.

USELESS INFO #157

1. Buckingham Palace has over 600 rooms.

2. Pokemon stands for "pocket monster."

....and my favorite....

3. Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

Happy Monday!